Star Trek by JJ Abrams: Where No One Wanted to Go Before

 

The other day I had the unpleasant experience of watching J.J. Abrams’ vision of the Star Trek universe. I had to wonder if he had ever watched the original series or understood the vision of Gene Roddenberry. There was nothing in that Star Trek movie that indicated that Abrams had.

I mean, we have a juvenile James T. Kirk speeding across the Iowa landscape in a borrowed Corvette, which he drives off a cliff at high speed. I know of no place in Iowa that remotely looks like that area.

Next, we see Kirk in a bar fight but at the end he is invited to attend the Star Fleet Academy. Yes, I know what George Patton had to say about these things but I’m not sure that Kirk’s tendency to erupt into rage is the best characteristic for an officer.

As he shows up for the shuttle ride to the academy, he announces that he plans to complete the four-year course in three… but this isn’t a civilian college in which the student sets his or her course of study. It is a military school that doesn’t allow for an acceleration of the program but I digress.

Kirk, in keeping with the original Star Trek history, reprograms the computer so that he can win the unwinnable Kobayashi Maru scenario. In the original, you get the impression that Kirk didn’t make a big deal out of it, meaning, he played it out carefully so that his ability to win was not revealed. In the new Star Trek, an arrogant Kirk appears on the bridge eating an apple as if to prove his superior intellect. It doesn’t make him look like someone who should command a star ship let alone be commissioned. It makes him look like a jerk.

While Kirk is being tried for “cheating,” the Federation receives a distress signal and everyone is scrambled to meet the threat. In the course of that, we learn that Spock, who is an instructor and a commander, has been having some sort of relationship with Uhura so she is able to “convince” him to assign her to the Enterprise… which is why these sorts of relationships are not only discouraged in the military but against regulations. But I digress again.

Everyone in the academy is assigned to a star ship, except Kirk who is under disciplinary review. But McCoy, whose status is somewhat obscured… is he a cadet, is he an instructor, or is he a doctor? Whatever, he decides that Kirk can’t be left behind and immediately devises a plan to get Kirk on the Enterprise. Together they browbeat a security guard to pass Kirk onto the ship. If I was Captain Pike, once I learned of this, all three of them, Kirk, McCoy and the guard would find themselves under arrest awaiting disciplinary action.

Other than these few glitches, I was getting into the story. Sure, the writer knew nothing about military chain of command, line officers and support team, but we can always overlook that ignorance if the story is good and the characters appealing.

Unfortunately, for me, the story eventually turns into another special effects and GCI extravaganza. True, the effects are good, but we have Captain Pike turning command of the Enterprise to Spock, the science officer and given the color of his shirt, is not part of the command team. The senior officer of the line on board should have assumed command. Pike then compounds the error by appointing Kirk as the First Officer, though Kirk has not graduated from the Academy, not been commissioned by the proper authority and is basically, a stowaway on the ship. He has done nothing to suggest that he would be a good officer but has, in fact demonstrated his complete lack training or ability understand the tactical situation. As Spock said later, he wouldn’t point out the regulations because Kirk would just ignore them anyway.

We have a HALO operation undertaken with a complete lack of training with them free falling from outside a planet’s atmosphere and diving deep into it. I wondered why they didn’t burn up as a meteor would. Maybe they wouldn’t get up to the speed to begin to burn, but they must free fall for a very long way.

I didn’t notice if the one who missed the narrow platform and fell to his death had been wearing a red shirt, but I knew that one of them would have to die. Then were treated to a sword fight on the platform. Really? The Romulans come from inside to fight with Kirk and his pal on the outside carrying edged weapons. This makes no sense, other than to set up the sword fight which the Federation wins but no one has any kind of gun…

This is the sort of nonsense that we’re treated to for the rest of the movie. No logic, but visually interesting effects. Kirk and Scotty beam aboard the Warp Speed Enterprise, but Scott is caught in some kind of useless, clear pipe full of water as he is drawn toward huge spinning blades sure to slice and dice him before he can drown. Kirk accesses a computer, finds the right code and opens a vent or something that drops Scotty and water all over the deck. I’m reminded of the scene in Airplane II where they show (ironically, the original Captain Kirk, meaning Shatner) a machine with glowing tubes that has no function other than to look like something important.

Kirk and Spock, who has handed the command to Kirk, who immediately abandons the command to someone else (does no one want to command the Enterprise?) to beam aboard the ship threatening the Earth. They land in a huge storage area (doesn’t anyone think about the logistics of supplying air to that huge cargo bay?) and immediately engage in a gunfight with the Romulans who couldn’t hit water if they fell out of a boat and Kirk and Spock who can’t miss.

At this point, I’m disgusted with the movie, but have to hang on to the end. Of course, Kirk and Spock are successful (I’d mark this as a spoiler, but the movie is old and was there ever any doubt that they would succeed?).

I know, I know, it is a little confusing, but it is the final scene that really shows a lack of understanding. Kirk, who was probably commissioned by this point (though we don’t know that) is given permanent command of the Enterprise… because… I don’t know, it was in the script?

I’m thinking that he should be tossed out of Star Fleet given all the regulations he broke, his juvenile history of being, well, let’s just say a delinquent and let it go at that, and his continuing disobeying the lawful orders given to him. We know from history how promoting someone rapidly into authority works out in the long run. Just ask George Custer…

The real point here is that Abrams has taken Star Trek and turned it on its head. He missed the point of Roddenberry’s vision to create a standard science fiction adventure that is long on visual effects and fairly short on any sort of reality. Yes, I know that it is fiction, but the operation of the military is wrong and the science is lacking. Science fiction was about extrapolating what exists around us, placing it in a new environment, letting the characters grow. Here they are just jammed into the situations that make no sense, but that’s okay because it looks good.

Sure, I’m old fashioned, but I would have liked to see Star Trek remain faithful to the original concept and not changed into a GCI spectacular with big explosions and ridiculous stunts without a thought given to the possibility that sure things would work. I would have liked to see a movie that didn’t turn Kirk into an idiot and, at the very least, attempted to be plausible… we just didn’t get that here.